Rules for True Disciples of the Test Kitchen to Live By

Written by The Test Kitchen Founder

  1. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: You are what you eat.
    You must enjoy good food and drink to be a member in good standing of the Test Kitchen. Test Kitchen menus are fixed, as we believe all good menus should be. Therefore, no substitutions can be made. You may however refuse to eat or drink anything that goes against your personal beliefs, health or religion. Far be it for Test Kitchen to anger any Higher Power or kill you while trying to make our culinary statement.
  2. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: Do what you say, say what you will do.
    When you make a commitment to place your name and the names of others into the Test Kitchen lottery, it must be with the intent that you will actually attend the event. The Test Kitchen never forgets, and it is simply bad manners to put your name in the lottery and then once you are chosen, to bail.
  3. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: On time, is divine.
    Opening cocktails for any event is an important part of your bonding time with other Test Kitchen Disciples like yourself. We strongly urge you not to deny yourself this luxury. When we have sat for dinner – we have done just that, sat. If you arrive late, you miss out. We will make no effort to catch you up.
  4. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: Be aggressive, hey, hey, aggressive.
    Becoming a member of the Test Kitchen or attending a previous Test Kitchen event does not automatically enter you in the lottery for the next event. Test Kitchen sends out emails to our entire list monthly for each event. If you want to be in the lottery for a specific event then you must let us know once you have received the invitation email. We are not mind-readers, and would hate to assume anything on our members’ behalf. This keeps the process, and our hands, clean.
  5. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: Introduce us; don’t abuse us.
    We love meeting your new friends at the Test Kitchen. The way to bring friends to an event is to place yourself in the lottery with them. If you submit 2 for the lottery, get chosen, and end up bringing 4 people to the event, 2 will be sent packing. We have an exact number seats, and we know who will be sitting in them.
  6. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: Put your money where your mouth is.
    Test Kitchen lottery winners need to secure their seats by paying for all seats within 48 hours of receiving the “You Are In” email. PayPal is your friend, and it’s ours too. Because we have purchased food expecting your presence at our event all Test Kitchen payments are non-refundable. Consider it your donation to the culinary arts. However, Test Kitchen members who pay and cannot make it can elect to give their seats to substitutes as long as they notify Test Kitchen by email to get their substitutes’ names on the list. If your substitutes show up and they are not on the list, they will not get in.
  7. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: If you got it, flaunt it.
    Test Kitchen Disciples have earned the privilege of remaining seated during the Test Kitchen pledge after they have taken it for the first time. However, Disciples must be wearing their Test Kitchen pledge pin to envoke this privilege. If you are a Disciple, and you are not wearing your pledge pin then you must stand and take the pledge at the table with the other Newbies. Your pledge pin is what silently tells others of your standing in the organization. In short, wear it with pride.
  8. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: You must pay to play.
    The only thing that Test Kitchen asks in return for your patronage, loyalty and membership is your word of mouth. We cannot advertise an underground supperclub, although we will take select media opportunities if we feel they benefit the cause of spreading the word of the great culinary sub-culture we have in Oklahoma. There is nothing that you cannot speak about regarding Test Kitchen, except the Founder’s identity, which will only be revealed to those who come to sit at the Test Kitchen table. You can speak about your meal, the Chef that prepared it, the members you met, the place it was held and you can direct them to the website to get on the list themselves. The Test Kitchen website is www.testkitchenok.com.
  9. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: Give us your two cents.
    There is an old saying in the restaurant industry that we think applies for Test Kitchen as well: If you like us, tell others about us, if you don’t, then please tell us. 100% of the marketing for Test Kitchen is word of mouth, please pass on your experience to other Foodies. We never want to be more hype than delivery. We view all member complaints as opportunities for learning and making it better, but if you leave without saying anything they become problems for us as an organization. Speak your mind. Tell us what you like and don’t like. We will listen. We will learn. We will grow. We love you for being honest and promise to respect you in the morning for it, as well.
  10. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: Learn the lingo.
    Just a couple of terms you should be familiar with at Test Kitchen. Some of them you may know, some you may be curious about, all of them need to be in your vocabulary.

    “In the lube” – this is an underground supperclub term that is code for the cocktail hour prior to the main event or dinner. It’s called “the lube” because it is your opportunity to mix and mingle, have a cocktail or two and meet as many people in the room. This is important because once we retire to the Test Kitchen table there is no assigned seating and you should want to know who you want to sit by to make your evening the most memorable it can be.

    “Singles and Doubles” – just like what it sounds like. Singles are people who have come alone and Doubles are people who have come with someone else to Test Kitchen. We love both kinds at Test Kitchen.

    “86’ed” – this is a kitchen term which is said when something on the menu is no longer available. The only people that get “86’ed” from Test Kitchen are those that are “haters” of the culinary arts, mean people who treat the staff with contempt and obnoxious drunks. Haters and mean people will find it very hard to make the lottery the next time they would like to attend an event, and drunks get asked to leave an event in a cab that they pay for themselves. Their membership is permanently revoked.

    “Dress to Impress” – this is a term used on all of our invitations. The men never seem to mind this phrase, but it bunches the ladies up every now and again. In the simple terms it reads like a corporate dress code policy – no shorts, no ripped jeans, no flip flops, no tube tops, no sleeveless shirts for men. Basically, this is a nice event, dress like it is a date night and you will be fine. Cocktail dress fine, sexy top and dressy pants fine, Eskimo outfit .… oh, okay, fine.

  11. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: We respect your privacy, you must respect others.
    Because of the social nature of the Test Kitchen, we often get emails or phone calls after an event asking us for someone’s name, email or phone number who sat next to them at the table. We want you to make friends at Test Kitchen, but we cannot give out the personal information of another member without their express permission. If you want someone’s digits or email address or swiss bank account number, you must ask for it from the person while at the event. This is the same level of privacy we provide you when someone asks about you.
  12. As a Test Kitchen Disciple: Review the event online, get excited for next time.
    After every event, we send an email to the group asking them for a personal quote that we can add to the intro of the website. If you give us one, and it’s good, you will see it posted on the website. Then if you go to www.testkitchenok.com and log in with your email address you will have access to all the photos and videos from the event you attended and all previous events. It’s a good way to remember the fun and to show others how cool Test Kitchen really is for Oklahoma.

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